It's been a while since my last post, and I don't really want to neglect my "Life of JNP" blog. It's so fun to look back at my entries from 2002, and I really understand the value of these things after a couple years of doing it.

A lot has been going on here, especially in the drama arena. I must say that I'm not really a fan of drama. Prior to senior year and this year, I had always been the repellent of drama. Not so much anymore! From these experiences, I'd like to make a couple little life rules that especially apply to girls. You know...us girls are just too...petty sometimes. And we talk so much. It really can complicate things. If I could go back in time and give myself as a little tiny girl a rule book on how to be a girl in this world, I would definitely put these rules in there, and if I followed them religiously, it would have solved soooooo many of my problems.

Rule number one: Don't say anything about a person you wouldn't say with them present. This means that you can juice it up for all its worth how much you adore and love your friends, but don't ever say what you hate about them. Beyond the fact that there is always the possibility that what you say will get around to them (and if you do it enough, it is CERTAIN something will slip), you will sound like a jerk, and people will wonder what you say about them when they aren't there. Just not a good idea.

Rule number two: Should you have a conflict with a friend and wish to discuss it with someone to resolve it, seek counsel from someone who doesn't know your friend. Seriously. It might sound ridiculous, and sometimes we are tempted to discuss our friends with someone who knows them, but just...don't do it. Unless it's like...your best friend in the entire world. Actually...even then. Don't do it. Everyone's human. And the last thing you'll want is other people involved in your conflict with your friends.

Rule number three: When talking to a friend about another friend, don't reveal any information about that friend that the friend you're talking to doesn't know about the friend you're talking about. That sentence was SO confusing! Basically...talking to friend A about friend B. Don't tell friend A anything about friend B that friend A doesn't already know. Why? Because you NEVER know if what you're telling is a secret. You never know if that friend might be mad that they didn't know first. You never know if you end up getting the story wrong and confusion between the two developed stories could result in a conflict. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I really would have saved myself and my friends a massive amount of grief. And in the end, who's responsibility is it to share information about oneself? That person, of course. If I ended up getting a dream date, and told one friend, and then went to visit a whole group of friends, and found out that my one friend told everyone else, I'd be sad because I'd want to be the one to tell the wonderful news. Plus, you NEVER know if the person you're talking about wanted you to tell the people you're telling. I know at some times we may think it's okay, but get lax about it, and I promise it'll slap you in the face. Period.

Rule number four: NEVER in any way let what someone else tells you about a person (who they are, what they think, what they think about you, what they say about you, etc.) establish grounds for a relationship with a friend. For example, if someone says "She was talking shit about you!"...never, ever, ever, ever, ever let that be the final word. To establish grounds in a relationship, talk to the person directly. This happened to me, and I ended up going to the friends who had supposedly talked crap about me and worked it out. It turned out that what they'd said had been disgustingly misinterpreted, and I found that my methods of establishing the status of our friendship was much more effective than that of the so-called friend who had blurted to me what others supposedly thought of me. Plus, don't let other people make up your mind about someone. You have to do it yourself. Even if they are right, you will personally benefit from learning about that person on your own. Knowing people is always an advantage, and it will help you make better decisions on your own that will work for you, as you have different biases than your other friends.

Rule number five: Be honest. If you are angry with a friend, tell that friend. Let him or her know. Let her know what you want out of your friendship, what is important to you, and make sure that there are boundaries not to be crossed. This doesn't have to be done in a formal way, but being honest from the start is crucial. True, being honest doesn't always win friends, but it will win you TRUE friends. I promise. As Mark Twain said..."It's easier to stay out than to get out."

Rule number six: Don't judge your friends. Just don't. Why? Because it's self-destructive, and it will reflect in your actions and the way you treat your friends. Benjamin Franklin put it well when he said "Search others for thy virtues, thyself for thy vices."

Rule number seven: Listen more than you talk. Speak not if you've nothing to say. This rule is widely broken, as people say a bunch of things with motives other than merely sharing information that is interesting, or enhancing the understanding between two people in a friendship. What do I mean by that? For example..."I'm fat." Why would anyone say that? Perhaps for attention, perhaps to fish for compliments...this stuff is never fun. Don't ever say anything to prove you are something you aren't or even something you are. It isn't your responsibility to prove who you are to your friends. It's simply to 1) be their friend and 2) listen to them so you can get to know who they are. Trying to prove who you are can be irritating...just remember that this is different than establishing grounds in a relationship (like, for example, saying 'I'm not a tramp and therefore won't have sex with you.') But if you're worried that someone thinks you're a slut, don't say or do anything to prove that you're not a slut. Why? Number one, because it doesn't matter whether or not people think you're a slut if you're not. Number two, because you waste a bunch of energy trying to change the way other people think when all you really need to do is change how you think, because it wouldn't bother you if you didn't question it yourself. Don't say something to show off how cool you are. Say something because you really mean it. You'd be surprised how much of what is said in this world that has everything to do with making impressions rather than what communicating was made for. That's why we should listen. And speak only when we have something to say, not something to prove.

All in all, there are a lot of rules I'd like to teach my past self, and perhaps even my present self. I know if I followed these rules exactly I would have very smooth sailing. Not perfect, but pretty damn smooth. I always think about how I would change everything if I could go back in time, back to when I was so little and had so much opportunity. Back to seventh grade when it was the time...whether or not I'd get into eighth grade algebra. I didn't, of course, because I slacked big time through grade school. But if I had, I might not have to take ten credits of the math I have to take now at college. I could have picked better friends, and started a social life that could have shaped me to be totally different, and hopefully much cooler than I am now. But you know what's creepy? I was talking to my neighbor and friend Steve, and he was telling me about how he thought about what it would be like to go back to the age of nineteen and how much opportunity he would have. "It's before you have to decide your major. It's before you start dating girls that actually end up being serious. It's before you decide where to live, where to go, what to do with your life. Ask anyone if they could change anything at any age, and it would be nineteen, and they would want to go back to nineteen and do less drugs!"

It just got me to thinking about how I am at that point in my life that people always want to go back to and make things right. I'm at a crucial time where my decisions have more impact than decisions ever had in any part of my life. The friendships I messed up in highschool? It sucked at the time, but once you graduate highchool, that stuff is history. The test you didn't study for? That might impact where you go to college, but I got into college, a good one, and it is a lot more about what you do with college than the college you go to. Right now, however, the friends I make will more likely than not last for the rest of my life. The guys I might potentially date could be guys I end up marrying. It's a lot more common to marry people I meet in college than it is to marry people I met in highschool. And moreover, the academic decisions I make will have permanent,-- or not-so-easily reversed--impacts on my career. It's the point in which I can sink or swim. It's the time in which everything is new, and there aren't any huge mistakes to undo...yet. I know there will be. But I don't have any F's on my transcript to make up, or a GPA to bring up or to be proud of, or baggage from bad boyfriend decisions. It's all out there. The world is up for grabs.

How many times in my lifetime will I be able to say that?