I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore. I thought microbiology, but I just don’t know. I love writing. If only stupid fat Americans didn’t sit in front of the tube all day and rot. Maybe then there would be an actual market for writing. But there really isn’t. Know how I know? ‘Cause my mom’s a writer. She’s good, too. She’s won an upward of four national contests, has a massive amount of respect from members in the writing field, and her work is just...good. But has she been published? No. Not in seven goddamned years. Has she made a dime? No, she’s lost money. The only reason she can do it is because my dad has a job with a sturdy income. As for me, I need to look ahead at my life and figure out what I can do without relying on the possibility of having a significant other who would support me. That just wouldn’t do. I have to be able to take care of myself. I want to also be able to contribute financial stability for my future family. That’s VERY important to me.

Now, if you’re lucky, you can make as much as my mom’s friend, Kay. She makes enough to support herself alone, without kids, and live in an apartment in downtown Denver. And APARTMENT BY HERSELF!!! That’s great for her, I guess. I’d need a little more than that if I wanted a family.

And if you’re really, really lucky–luckier than a person would be if they won the lottery twice–you could be J.K. Rowling and make five-hundred million dollars on your first three published books and have four more books on the way with a promise to be published.And no, I don’t want to write for television. T.V. fucking sucks. I have a huge bias against it. I HATE TV!!! I didn’t watch it at home, but my roommate here watches all the time, and I hate it even more. Which says a ton, because I have never liked TV.I guess I’m just not a secularist. As far as entertainment goes, anyway.

And do I want to go to school for eight more years? Uh...not really. That’s a LONG TIME. Maybe I could major in math. But what the hell do you do with math? Or I could major in accounting, one of the most lucrative bachelor degrees anyone can get. Then, I could work a few years eighty hours a week making 100 grand or more, and then buy my dad’s business, or just work with my dad. But I don’t even know if I like accounting. And I sort of have to feel like I’m contributing to my vision. I know that sounds corny lol. I have a vision! I want to help people. My dad definitely helps people. To be honest, I don’t have that much of a business sense, and I don’t think I could help people with business-related issues like my dad does.

Now here’s the thing. I don’t know if I love science enough to have what it takes to get through a science major. I know I’m smart enough, but I won’t have the drive to go through all the work it takes to get through if I don’t absolutely love it. Maybe I do love it. I also have to consider the five years post-bachelor’s that I’d have to go through to get to where I’d want to be in the science field; microbiologists with a bachelor’s degree make an average of 10,000 dollars a year, hardly more than I could make babysitting two year olds prior to acquiring any degree.

If only I could make a decent living writing...

http://www.art.com/asp/sp.asp?PD=10040762&RFID=642275AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Whoa....what a fun night!I was initiated last night...so now I'm an official active of Kappa Alpha Theta...yay! It was a totally awesome night, probably the best weekend night I've ever had since coming up to college.

First, we went through initiation...going through "top secret" rituals and such. I thought it was fun, but I don't really get the whole secrecy thing. It's not like I'm gonan spill it, but they've like...got a death grip on the secrecy thing. "These are secret rituals! Don't tell ANYONE what goes on in our secret rituals!"

After that, we went to the Fort Collins park and made Smores and sang Theta songs. And wow...I had NO IDEA what...provocative songs they sing! lol We sang the class song where every class has their own little saying, and here are the sayings for each class:

Freshmen: We are the freshmen; we fuck the best men.

Sophomores: We are the sophomores; we make the best whores.

Juniors: We are the juniors; we pull down our bloomers.

Seniors: We are the seniors; we suck the wieners.

Rho Gammas: We are the Rho Gams; see us on live cam.

And the grossest of them all:Alumni: We are the alumni; we make the come fly.

I'd like to note that these are national Theta songs, so...my girls didn't write these! lol We actually have the reputation for being the goody-goody, nerdy, studious sorority. Not that we don't have fun! But I'd hardly consider my sorority to be filled with sexually premiscuous individuals, or alcoholics.

Anyway, that part was shocking for me lol since Theta is sooooooo not like that.After that, we went back to the house, did tie-die and then watched The Sound of Music...I love that movie! We all squealed in the cute parts like girls do, and I felt like I'd found a family up here. I mean--who can resist a huge group of hopelessly romantic girls who are proud of their femininity?

Too bad I'm hopelessly romantic. 'Cause I'm NEVER going to make any use of it! At least at this rate. Zero boyfriends, zero kisses, zero romance. And everyone knows zero times anything is zero, so something has to change here! Grr

NE way, then I passed out at two in the morning, and I was exhausted. Slept on a comfy couch and woke up and had cinnamon rolls with dribbly icing and Vanilla bean frappaccino (SP?) from Starbucks. Yummy! Getting fat is fun!And here I am, dead as a doornail...fun stuff, but totally exhausting! Too bad the calories I take in can't make up for deprived sleep...I LOVE MY THETAS!!!

Yay! GOOD DAY! My big sissy! I have a big sis now in my sorority--Kappa Alpha Theta. I'm so excited! WOOT WOOT!We--we being the pledge members of Theta--walked into the Theta house and they had a crossword puzzle prepared for all of us that would reveal to us who our big sis was. I couldn't figure it out because it was a five letter word with L being the last one (I knew this because another girl had figured out who her big sis was and put in the letters.) So here I was...confused as all heck, and then it turned out to be Kim~L. I was like "Wow, how was I supposed to figure that out?" But that's okay--cuz Kim was my number one choice! She's sooooooo sweet and I love her!

And I'm officially a member of the Lion family in Kappa Alpha Theta. WHOOPIE! We're a small family...only four of us...but it's fun! Cuz my Lions rule! And yay for my big sis Kim!

Oh, man, I have some studying to do. Guess what? I thought I had two tests this Friday--but I only have one. The other one is actually on Monday, which buys me some time. Not a ton, but some. Yay!

In the meantime, crackin' down on the Humans and Other Animals test! I WANT AN A!!!!

Huggies to my awesome LT buds! Love ya guys!

My personality Test Results:

"Jess, you're a Secret Agent! Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types - your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type. You are a Secret Agent which means you are a Thinker / Seeker Your primary sub-type is defined by "Thinker" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Seeker" characteristics. That means you're basically a smart, shrewd loner. Chances are although you prefer solitude, you're a deeply caring person full of energy and ideas. On a personal level, you're sensitive. You may worry too much about how you compare to others, and your mood suffers under such intense personal scrutiny."

What's my vibe?

"Jess, your vibe is Tickled Pink You've got a sweet side that likes nothing better than to be tickled pink. That's why your charming vibe always rubs people just the right way. An affectionate soul like you is always thinking of others, and you find joy in being a generous and engaging part of your community. After all, you know it's much more rewarding to give than receive.This doesn't mean that you won't stand up for yourself when necessary. But you think things through before acting, and you tread lightly when you can. And there's no better way to make a bigger or more lasting impression on people than by leaving them tickled pink too."

And...why am I still single?

"Jess, you're single because you don't want to get hurt. Ever heard the expression, "Once bitten, twice shy?" You can probably relate to this, can't you? Your last relationship may have left you a little raw in emotions, and the memories are likely still fresh in your mind. Fresher than you can sometimes believe. With a hurt like that, you're probably not so eager to enter the drama again — and we can't say that we blame you. You may be so afraid of getting hurt that you take things to heart big-time when you're involved with someone — after all, you've been hurt before, why can't it happen again? You also may be guilty of comparing potential mates to your ex who may still constantly loom large in your mind."