Wow, considering that my blog is titled "The Life of JNP" I rant a hell of a lot more about "the opinions of JNP" rather than my actual life. So I suppose it's time to spill some guts and write about a little more personal of a topic than just the way I think.

Who am I? Well, I'm a nineteen year old girl who's a sophomore at Colorado State University majoring in microbiology, as my profile clearly indicates. But who am I, really? Well, I consider this stage in my life to be one of personal growth. Honestly, when is there a better time for that than college, when life is clearly just about me? Not to be selfish or anything, but during college, what is my number one responsibility? To get good grades! To keep myself healthy, and to have fun. Is that not all about me? Don't get my wrong--I don't honestly think it's all about me. Life is about everyone as a whole, including me but also including the other six billion people on this planet. I am well aware that even during this stage of life there are particular activities I should carry out that aren't just for me, but for the better good of society, or just people I care about. I know that. What I mean is, well...put it this way. A few years down the road, I will hopefully have a permanent job. When I have a permanent job, my responsibility will be no longer just for myself, but permanently for the better good of my employer as well. When I get married, my responsibility will then encompass him also, and then when I have children (I'm hoping all this will happen anyway!) my life will then be dedicated to them. That's why this time is about me. This is the small window inside my life when I can determine what I want, and get it. This is the time in my life when I can make any decision I damn well please, and the effects of my decision will only rest on my shoulders.

I can pick up and leave if I want. I can stay here and study forever if I want. I can change my major if I so please, I can pick up three majors, or I can flunk out. I can work really hard to get into graduate school and go for a doctorate, or I can get a lucrative bachelor's degree and go make a bunch of money to live the high life. I can major in what I love and not worry about the money, or I can force myself through hell to make lots of money if I deem money more important than passion.

Of course, the majority of my life I will have the freedom to decide, but honestly, responsibility will restrain me. If I have a family and we are making the right amount to make ends meet, it would be very selfish of me to just whimsically change my mind about my life direction and quite my job. The beauty of this small window of time is that I can do anything that drastic, and the only person affected will be me. So yes, it's all about me!

So what do I want? Well, I don't know. That's the hardest part. It's hard for me to find what I feel worth sweating over. I know that no matter what, I must sweat if I want to be happy. Because the path of least resistance is VERY, VERY RARELY rewarding. Even if it ever is. I doubt it is.

I want to think. I love thinking! I love working things out in my mind, and I love mental challenges. I want to help people. I want to be proud of myself. I really, really want to make a difference. To me, a notable difference would be more on a personal level than anything that would bring fame and fortune. I don't want glamour; I don't want fame; and surprisingly, I don't want a huge sum of money. Enough to live comfortably and not struggle to make ends meet would be nice.

And quite honestly, I want to make my family proud. I want them to look at me and really think to themselves that I have done something with my life, and that my getting up every day really matters. I know they think I matter, but...it's not the same as thinking that my efforts matter, you know? What they think is important to me, because I know my family has put forth a considerable amount of effort into their lives and the world around them, and yes...I know it matters that they wake up every morning and continue doing what they're doing. They make a difference, not just to themselves and their family, but to the community to every single person they work with.

Finally, I want to make the efforts of everyone who has believed in me to shine through me. That would include my family, my friends, my neighbors, and many, many of my teachers from Littleton High School who believed in me. Who still do.

So that's the story of me. While I know it's about me, and my own decisions, I know I have to succeed at SOMETHING not just for me, but those that believe in me. I know that in the end, what I will really be able to sweat through is what I love. I am a passionate girl, not a materialistic one. And I just hope every day that if I succeed, it can also help others do the same thing. Because that's what helping people is about, right?