I LOST 14 POUNDS! Hee hee, I'm so excited. I've always been a chunky girl, even since I was in middle school, thanks to my small bone structure that accentuated every extra pound I carried. I finally got the weight off. I really hope I can KEEP it off, which is my next weight-related endeavor. But I just love leaning over and not having anything bunch up. It's a great feeling! I also love putting on clothes and actually liking the way they look. Mind you, I can't wear ANYTHING. But no one can, really, due to different body types. But I can wear a lot more.

I was so depressed about the way things were going; there are quite a few changes that are pretty traumatic that have been taking place quite suddently and unexpectedly. But I've decided that this is one of those situations where one door closes and another opens. This could end up being the best thing that happens to me in college. It could transform my life into already good to even better--to FREAKING AWESOME.

It's not for sure...but it's looking that way. Either way, I'll be happy. Because I am not going to let life walk all over me. "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."-- George Bernard Shaw

Let's just say I'm unreasonable. If the situation doesn't work...I'll make it! Therefore, I'll be happy no matter what.

Not to mention building something is an incredibly rewarding experience. If it all falls down, it means I have to build it up again. So it'll end up being rewarding.

So good stuff. I'll be happy either way. I can't complain.

I know this blog is public. I know that I shouldn't write things in here that aren't supposed to be public. But let's be honest. How many people read this? Enough to make me happy. Not enough to make me think that writing this entry should get me in trouble.

What have I been up to all this time? Well, I took a summer class...Physics II. That was pretty time-consuming. I've been nannying, which is really fun, because the kids are old enough so that I don't have to really babysit them, but young enough to need someone there to drive them around, and to be there so they don't have the opportunity to get into trouble. Haha. But they're good kids; I've never worried about them doing anything bad. I just hang out with them, watch movies, read, and get paid to take them around town doing fun things. I can't say I mind the lifestyle!

As for the other part my current life story, my sorority chapter is facing the threat of being closed. I can't say I expected it; we didn't do something that would result in disciplinary action. And it doesn't seem to be an act of discipline. It's more...business. Screw that. I joined this because of all the hooplah they tell us about sisterhood. If they want to treat us like a business instead of human beings, fine. I'll be happy to be free of their rule. If they decide to find it in themselves to have compassion for our situation, considering this is the place we live and our best friends and something we have pledged our lives to, then I'll be happy to remain a member. So I guess no matter what happens, in one way or another, I'll be happy.

But I just have to admit the thought is pretty traumatic for me. I mean, come on. I hated college until I found my sisters. I was so shy and felt so out of place. The huge CSU campus had basically swallowed me whole, and considering the size of campus, I was only a grain of sand on a dang beach. But I found my home at Theta--not with the house, dammit, with the people! I don't care if they think that we need this amazing house, and all its 30,000 square feet! Screw that! If we can't afford it, yes, I can live in a smaller house. I think all of us are together on that one. But we aren't given that option. Ooohhh, no.

I don't want to give up yet...maybe they will change their minds. But it doesn't look very good right now. I'm pretty upset. I've been doing what I can to fight it. And, well, I hope it does something. Maybe it won't be enough, but at least I fought. At least I tried.

On a more positive note, this summer thus far has pretty much been my period of transformation. In what way have I transformed? I have confidence. I'm not shy anymore! I am working at getting parts of my life together that used to just look like living proof that the law of entropy exists. I actually like myself. And ya know what? That doesn't make me cocky by any means. I don't think I'm better than everyone else. But they can be good even if I am good. You're all good, and I'm good. Yay!

But I realize that my struggle isn't over. Which sounds bad, but it also means the improvements aren't over, either. I have to keep working at it. I have to continue striving for more. But isn't that life? Is anyone ever 100% satisfied? Aren't we always working for something? If we weren't, we'd be bored. And I've come to understand the shocking reality that people would rather hurt themselves than be understimulated. Ever heard the song "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls? A memorable line from it is "You bleed just to know you're alive." Well heck. I'm alive! So I guess as long as I'm working my ass off at something, I won't have to bleed. I mean, I guess I can bleed from other things, but I won't have to make myself bleed to remind myself that I am here, and that I exist.

Anyway, I'm exhausted. I should probably head off to bed. And I know this is random, but I want to remember my dreams for once. I used to remember them all the time, and they were fascinating beyond measure. Nowadays, I heardly ever remember them. Since I learned so much from them before, it makes me wonder what I'm missing.

G'night everyone!