Well, I've been grumpy for the past couple hours, and I'm thinking I need to do some activity that makes me happy, so I don't just remain idle in a state of semi-misery. What could that be, though? I should probably meditate. LOL, that sounds so incredibly cheesy, but really, relaxing and cutting my mind off from the internal resentments that have too much momentum for me to feel like I have can just wipe them out of my mind at will.

Oh well. I'm tired, so that's probably why. It's not like I'm not always tired. I've have sleeping problems since forever, and I don't know how to get them under control. Supposedly, according to the doctor I saw about it, the next step would be anti-depressants, and I AM NOT DEPRESSED! So guess what my answer to that would be? NO! Thanks, I don't need a bunch of crap messing up with neuro-transmitters, and off-setting my normal chemical balances in my brain.

You know what my problem probably is? I get stressed out over everything, and I don't know how to unwind my body. I have trained myself to stop thinking about stuff, but I think I just stay tense even though I'm not thinking about it.

But then why when I do relaxation exercises to relax all my muscles do I still not sleep? Dammit! This is really getting irritating.

Anyway, on a more positive note, I went to Mexico and got back last night. That was definitely fun! We got up at a lovely six AM to head off to the airport last Wednesday, and caught a 9:15 flight.

The first few days, we just hung around the pool, and sunbathed/got our hair braided/warded off the relentless pursuit for all our money by the vendors on the beach.

Then, we decided to do a few activities that involved a little more activity than getting up, laying on the beach, eating, and sleeping. So we went on an evening cruise on a pirate's ship, where we had dinner and a show that included pirate drama and fighting scenes...oh...and shirtless guys ;-)...fireworks, and Aztec religious rituals, performed in no other language than Spanish...the language of the people that slaughtered each and every one of them. I'm sure they would be thrilled to know that their rituals would be performed in such a way years after their deaths.

But then, in a way, it's sort of like sweet revenge. The Aztecs weren't exactly nice people. They did, however, have high religious priorities, which demanded massive numbers of human sacrifices. Which, of course, they contributed without fail. But no one said that all their sacrifices had to be Aztec. So, loe and behold, the Aztecs went to groups of people outside of their society to find their needed sacrifices. Needless to say, they murdered thousands if people that were not Aztec in the name of religious sacrifice.

That's one of the ways that the Spanish were able to conquer them so quickly. They had the help of the locals who all resented the Aztecs for killing off so many of their people. And actually, I just looked up the figures for that. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING; THIS IS INSANE! In all of Mexico, in one year, the Aztecs sacrificed 250,000 people PER YEAR, or 1% of the total population of Mexico. Is that disgusting or what? Anyway, the beautiful justice here is that Spain came in and killed all of them, and the locals who are the descendants of these people who had their family members and loved ones stolen and brutally sacrificed (they cut out their hearts and held it before them while they died) are the ones performing the rituals in SPANISH.

Yay!

K, anyway, the pirate ship evening was really fun. And then not the next day but the day after we went on a horse ride through the jungle, up a "Mexican mountain" that was a lot more like a Coloradan hill than anything--and then to a gorgeous waterfall. I was terrified of the idea of riding a horse...I haven't ridden in about ten years--but it was SO FUN! The horses are huge and powerful and menacing looking, but they are really sweet and gentle...at least these ones. My horse was really fond of eating, though--it was hard to get him away from the delicious leafy greens he veered off the course for about every five minutes.

But loe and behold, I survived the horsey treck, and then we spent a couple more days in the sun, where I wasn't as diligent as before when it came to sunscreen application, and thus I emerged from my vacation thoroughly fried. It's slowly turning into tan, but let's just say it's a painful and dangerous mistake! Don't do that!

Tomorrow morning we leave again to go to my cousin's wedding. Her husband-to-be is currently stationed in Iraq for a little over a year and is getting his leave just for enough time to get married to my cousin, who will soon be heading off to Iraq as well for probably about two years. It's a very sad situation, so it should be interesting to see how the wedding goes.

But good luck to Nicole and Mike!

In the meantime, I need to go pack and meditate. Yes, I know I am a loser. But really, if the sleeping problem I've had SINCE I WAS THIRTEEN might be because of stress management, this would be a good place to start.

And then I will sleep happily and soundly and sweetly and everything else and drive a nice long ten hours to Iowa tomorrow...yay!